It struck me again this week that words are a mask as much as a revelation. I was reading Niall Williams' book 'As it is in heaven'- a beautifully told, deft and delicate love story, which might almost be a parable for the love of God, the grace of God.
Stephen tells Gabriella 'I love you'. A phrase heard a thousand times a day. But as I read it I wondered, as we are such complex beings, what else he meant by it. Did he mean 'I need you'. What demands did the phrase bring with it, on top of the self-giving implicit therein? Well, no need to answer that particular instance, but it's worth reflecting on as a general enquiry- what else is being brought to the table when those lovely words 'I love you' are spoken?
When we talk of God, we talk of the perfect. So I wonder if God is the only one with the unalloyed right to say 'I love you' and have no other agenda. And where that leaves me, what my response might be, should be, could be. Awe/questions/doubts/surrender/resistance- these will occupy me for a while, head and heart being so small. My conversion is far from complete, mixed messages being my speciality. .
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